“Speaking the truth in love” Eph. 4:15 Such a simple little expression! But it’s amazing how difficult it is to get that straight in practice. Let’s start with the “truth” part.
In Jesus confrontation with the chief priests, scribes, and elders we can see them responding to His question:
Jesus answered them, “I also will ask you a question. Now tell me, was the baptism of John from heaven or from man?” And they discussed it with one another, saying, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will say, ‘Why did you not believe him?’ But if we say, ‘From man,’ all the people will stone us to death, for they are convinced that John was a prophet.” So they answered that they did not know where it came from. (Luke 20:3–7)
Their deliberations betray their motive. Truth is not a part of their consideration. They are evaluating their potential answers strictly for effect. What will be the consequences of each possible answer? How will it position us in the confrontation with this teacher from Galilee?
When we catch ourselves making such deliberations, it should set off alarms in our head. Why? Because our first consideration, and the bedrock of our thinking,
should always be: “What is the truth here?” Not what will be the repercussions for me saying this? The Pharisees were thinking like that and Jesus exposed them.The truth and my opinion are often miles apart, and my thinking may be quite muddled. So we turn the question into prayer and ask God, “Lord, what is the truth here?” Only then can we think about how to express it most judiciously.
And now the second half of Paul’s injunction: “speaking the truth in love.” How will I clothe the truth? How will I package it? When I am invited to party, one of the unavoidable considerations is always: “What should I wear?” How should I dress? That depends on the event. If it is a beach party I might wear a swimsuit and a beach robe. If it is a wedding I would dress up quite a bit. If was a costume ball, I might be fully disguised. The right type of clothing is situation-specific.
The way we deliver the truth is crucial. Think of the truth as a medicine to be administered in love. Some oral medicines may be crushed and mixed with food. Others are too corrosive to the esophagus and must be swallowed whole with a full glass of water. . .preferable with a meal. Still others are so hard on the stomach that they must be injected. How the medicine is delivered is important. The same is true for the truth.
Some people deliver the truth so bluntly that it does more harm than healing. I am always amazed to hear people say “I was just speaking the truth in love,” after they have brutally bludgeoned another person’s heart. They seem to have totally missed the “love” part.
We must evaluate the way we deliver the truth.
Do I use the truth like an ax or chainsaw in the hands of the main character of some “slasher” movie? Shocking? Offensive? Brutal? Wounding?
Do I put a disguise on it and make it hypocritical? Deceptive? Cunning?
Do I present it in such a pleasant and subtle way that it’s like a suit of clothes with nobody inside? Obtuse? Wishy-washy? Insipid? A salve to my own conscience but meaningless to the hearer?
Or do I clothe the truth for the true benefit of the one with whom I am sharing it? Sincere but straightforward? Helpful? Nurturing? Mentoring? With Compassion, patience, kindness, and consideration?
The goal, then, is to present “the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth” and to clothe it in loving concern for the hearer.
How are you dressing the truth these days?