In a recent hearing here in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a judge decided that the fifteen year old defendant would not be tried as an adult, but treated as a minor. The judge’s ruling caused an uproar. The defendant, a fifteen year old boy at the time of the crime, claimed he was raised in such an abusive home that one day he just snap, planned out and murdered his mother and father. This conveniently ignored that he also murdered his little brother and two little sisters. Were they also abusive to the boy? Local talk radio callers who actually knew the family said on the air that the family was anything but an abusive, and that the mom and dad were decent upright parents. If the judge’s decision stands the boy, who is now eighteen, will remain in juvenile detention until he is twenty-one, and then be released and have all traces of his crime expunged from the record!
In the fifties and sixties, even when I was growing up in the suburbs of godless Detroit,
Michigan, we never heard of such things. The community was so safe that we had neighbors who never even bothered to lock their homes. Rapists were executed, and no one had even heard of a “mass murder.” All children got an occasional spanking, and none of us would dream of sassing our parents or even our teachers. What has changed in the span of sixty years? There are examples in the scriptures that answer the question.The family life of King David is a heart-breaking disaster. Within David’s nuclear family there was murder, rape, incest, execution and an attempted government take-over. What explains all this? No doubt there are multiple factors, but a key one comes up in 1 Kings 1:5-6. In that passage it appears that David did next to nothing to discipline his sons or other family members.
I Samuel reports the downfall of Eli the high priest and his two sons who served under him. On the single day when God finally brings down the hammer, Eli’s two sons both die in battle, Eli dies from an accidental death, his daughter-in-law dies in childbirth, and the priesthood is taken away from his family line. Why? Because in spite of repeated warnings, Eli allowed his sons to continue in grievous offenses against God and the people they were to serve. He criticized his sons but never actually made them stop! Eli ignored what we learn in the proverbs:
By mere words a servant is not disciplined,
for though he understands, he will not respond. Proverbs 29:19
The same is clearly true with Children. Permissive parenting has long produced the same results that are now so visible in modern America. We not only see crime and disrespect, but families in public places where the children are totally out of control. Is it merely a coincident that this occurs in a time when parents can be taken to court for simply spanking their children? (We’re not taking about beatings and abuse.) We’re talking about simple spankings . . . the kind of discipline that has been used effectively for thousands of years to train children to respect and obey those in authority over them, particularly their parents. This has now been cast aside, and the individuals, our families, and our society as a whole are reaping its bitter fruit.
The tragic irony is that we’ve had the recipe all along in the scriptures. In the Old Testament we read:
The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Proverbs 29:15
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Proverbs 22:15
Again, I must emphasize, that we’re not talking about either physical or emotional abuse. The Apostle Paul makes this clear when he writes:
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1–4
(Notice that he also assumes an intact family that still has a father at home who is taking responsibility for his wife and children.)
In fact the scriptures reveal both the method and motive for proper parenting, when the writer of Hebrews lifts a passage from the Old Testament to describe God functioning as our father:
“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
nor be weary when reproved by him.
6For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.”
7It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. . . . He disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:5–11)
God appears to have little or no interest in being “a nice guy” or in making our life pleasant. He is explicitly motivated by love. . a persistent active commitment to the actual well-being of His children. So when the situation demands it, God reproves, he disciplines, he chastises, and he inflicts pain. When done properly, this is not child abuse as our foolish, permissive psychology-base culture believes; it’s actually love! Over the years, in number of personal interviews that I conducted with people who were consistently and firmly disciplined as children, the norm seems to be that they love and respect their parents and actually feel good about themselves. Godly discipline seems to convince people that they actually have personal value!
From the beginning of creation firm, loving, and even painful discipline has always been our best chance at raising-up respectful, honest, moral men and women. Our permissive culture is the real failure, and the daily outrages that are reported in the news are the proof.